The Essence of Pain


What I was first shown was what pain is. Pain is memory trapped in time…

Yesterday, I took a pretty big fall. Leaving the house I had been living in for the past two weeks in Guatemala, I walked downhill on a rocky alley-way and tripped and fell. My knee and its surrounding area took the brunt of the fall, which was quite a dive… so my foot and femur, the entire leg, was involved. I laid there for a good minute before getting up, witnessing the act of having fallen and now laying there, humbly on the earth having had no conscious ability to prevent this. I watched my leg from within, felt the throbbing pain, felt the awareness that going slow was needed. I breathed into it, and only when I was sure I was ready did I gently stand up.

It was clear some damage had been done. My femur was turning inward, my knee bleeding profusely and both my knee and foot were in much pain with each step. This was my worst injury yet.

I hobbled to the hostel room I’d be staying in for the next four days, got some ice, and laid down. I was very shaken up, scared even, since knee injuries can turn into quite the story. I knew there was real damage, but not knowing “what” to “do” with regards to helping myself, I just laid down, watched an eposide of Modern Family and then hung out with a girlfriend who came to visit. This friend and I had a conversation that helped me pin-point how and why I invited this injury to happen.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of acknowledging what you sought to learn — this is one of the biggest keys to “healing.”

In the past, I had an undeniable experience of miracle healing. Six years ago, I had really hurt my foot and could hardly walk. I was moving apartments in Los Angeles and was all alone. A few movers brought some of my furniture over, and in my attempt to move things around, I was confronted with my helplessness in getting things done alone. I sat on the floor weeping in deep physical pain and this feeling of helplessness, which revealed much sadness too. I wept and wept and wept and eventually, I had a pool of energy that included the sacred fire of anger…. and I said to myself and to Spirit, with all of this passion and feeling…. No, no more! I know miracles are possible. They are real. It’s my turn. Please heal my foot instantly. I know it can be done, I believe in you, please do it.  I channeled all of that pain, anger and frustration into the intention of a miracle. And you know what? I woke up the next morning without a trace of any injury or pain. It was like nothing had ever happened. Done.